aka “Manscaping, Vol. II”
Ignoring the emo mopes of the Wall and the wanton nudity of Vaes Dothrak, “The Wolf and the Lion” focuses our attention back on the scheming, seducing, and political machinations going on at King’s Landing.
Without focus on the bastards & cripples and freaks & geeks, the rest of the show seems like a historical version of highschool: raging hormones, catty rumours, fights in the courtyard; angry jocks and swooning cheerleaders; backstabbing, betrayal, and boasting.
The cherry on the sundae: MORE MANSCAPING! (The first being my favourite Shirtless Shaving Scene from the pilot.)
It's insane how many .gifs there are of this on tumblr.
The Hand’s Tourney continues, with more Gregor-induced bloodshed. Meanwhile, Cat is taking her new hostage Tyrion up to the Eyrie, where her sister will apparently mete out some kind of justice. Also, Bran gets a quick lesson in the different houses of Westeroes, which is, I guess, supposed to bring the title of the episode into focus.
Which Lion (Lannister) and which Wolf (Stark) are they referring to? Tyrion and Cat? Hm… not quite; Cat is House Tully… the… Fish. (Did you also notice that Bran was carving out that table with a little metal fish?) Let’s see… possible Lions in this episode: Jaime, Cersei, Tyrion. Possible Wolves: Ned, Arya, Sansa, Bran.
I’m going with Jaime and Ned.
- All that thinly veiled subtext in previous episodes… you knew it had to be leading up to something.
Bloodshed! Gore! Jousting!
In a staggering display of the best and worst examples of knighthood (see previous week’s discussion), Ser Loras Tyrell unhorses Ser Gregor Clegane in what might best be described as the best half-baked premise for a porn ever*. As Loras rides gallantly into the tournament, handing a red flower to the smitten Sansa, even my mum sighed, “Oooh, he’s pretty!” Well done, HBO; when the mums swoon, then you’ve done something right.
Gregor looks like he belongs in a Monty Python sketch and Loras is using your grandmother's curtains as a horseblanket.
The Men Behind the Curtain
As becomes clear pretty much as soon as you see the nudge nudge, wink wink looks exchanged between Loras and Renly, this episode is going to be good. It’s as if the first layer of pretense has been pulled away, revealing the characters behind the King’s Council, and all their petty rivalries and love affairs. After Littlefinger more or less “outs” Renly in front of everyone at the tourney, I was left wondering how he knew about the two of them. Perhaps, unlike everyone else, he picked up on the blindingly obvious, but I prefer to think he has a convenient little peephole drilled through a certain someone’s bedroom door.
"Hmm... how to crush Sansa's dreams this week...?"
And what an interesting scene he would have been peeping in on. Without delving into too many details regarding the aforementioned manscaping, I find these scene compelling as hell, with the cards clearly lining up for the ‘game of thrones’ to take an interesting turn. But I can see how it comes off as a little bit too… much. I don’t think it’s doing stereotypes any favours, and those B.J. sound effects seem like they were provided by a guy in a foley booth nomming down on a giant lollipop.
Anyway.
Also, in case you were wondering how to engage in a penis-measuring contest with a eunuch, Petyr ”Littlefinger” Baelish shows us… while also revealing Westeroes to be a veritable Las Vegas of perversions. While yur down there, luv!
What happens in King's Landing, STAYS in King's Landing.
Robert: A Crappy King or just Male Menopause?
Robert reminds me of someone’s old pervy uncle. One that you found hilarious as a kid, but when you grow up you kinda realized he’s a bit of a dick: alcoholic, overweight, loveless marriage, way too nostalgic about the glory days. That’s kind of the disillusionment Ned goes through this week. From Robert’s mental torture of poor wee Lancel, to his clearly intoxicated state at the tourney, he’s a bit of a shlub.
His conversation with his wife, Cersei was a highlight not only of this episode, but of the whole show so far. You get the impression this is the first time they’ve actually talked in ages. They both come clean, all pretenses washed away. It is perhaps a little too much honesty, but they both know the state of their relationship. They hate each other, but have to stay together; they hate each other because they hate what their lives have become. Just like every marriage….
- Robert, this was a test. You failed.
His marriage seems to be the subtle motivator for Robert when confronted with the decision about the preggers Daenerys Targaryen. He’s realized how little he has left in his life and some random girl is not going to take that away from him. With that in mind, as much as it seems he’s overreacting, you can see why the hell he gets so angry at Ned.
And damn it, Ned. It’s hard to be a good guy in a bad situation. The lesson here: pragmatism and realpolitik always win out over idealism. By valliantly defying the King and giving up your position as his Hand (I bet the Westeroes bookies all had odds on how long that would last), you should be aware of what danger you’ve just put yourself and your family in.
Pwnd!!1!
As Bran points out, for as important his parents claim family is, clearly honour is worth a lot more to them. Ned very well could have just effectively picked Daenerys Targaryen’s life over his own daughters’.
Did Catelyn seriously not think about their safety when she took Tyrion hostage? Way to be awesome, Catelyn. Jory’s just lost an eye and a hell of a lot more, and your husband might now walk with a bit of a limp. At least you gave Jaime chance to flaunt his rampant testosterone.
How could she not have expected him to get a little miffed when she kidnapped his brother? Honestly? Does no one think things through here? Or is that what the back-stabbing scheming council members are supposed to be for? I guess we realize who has the real brains in this place.
Jory, we hardly knew yee...
In hindsight, yes, this was definitely a bad idea…
Catelyn drags her new prisoner, Tyrion Lannister, to her sister, Lysa, the widow of the late Hand of the King. The Eyrie is pretty much a castle on top of a mountain, one in which you’d expect to find a wise old medicine man or something. In reality, Cat finds pretty much the exact opposite. Creepiness abounds at the Eyrie, be it the Clearly Insane Lysa nursing an eight-year-old or the best/worst jail cell in the world. Not only does Tyrion seemed proper fucked, but Cat is looking pretty boned too. Poor Cat: one bad decision after another.
You don't want to see the reverse angle.
Speaking of Creepy…
It seems the sleazier Theon gets, the more I kinda like him. Don’t get me wrong, I hated Theon in the books, but I’m finding him quite interesting in this (this does NOT have anything to do with Alfie Allen’s wang). He’s set up quite well as an nice foil to the Starks in such a way that you can see the tension rising. He’s a kettle that’s just been turned on (double entendre intended) and it’s only a matter of time before he boils over. If only someone would laugh at his tasteless jokes every once in a while…. It’s not like it was his fault his father led a half-assed rebellion, right? Right?
Now that you mention it... what colour is his hair? It seems to change. Just watch, you'll know what I mean.
And…. SANDOR!
Sandor was awesome this week. Loved the smug little smirk when Loras beat Gregor. Not to mention the “LEAVE HIM BE!” and the “I’m no ‘ser.’” I’m not the Sandor expert, so, thoughts?
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Nipple Count: Like 7? Including one very, very, very disturbing nipple. Just, ew.
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*Think about it: “Ooooh, you’ve unhorsed me, I guess that means you can– (probably best I don’t finish this thought).
Wow, marvelous blog layout! How long have you been blogging for? you made blogging look easy. The overall look of your website is fantastic, as well as the content!
keep ‘em coming. Just found your site and completely enjoyed your commentary on the episodes. Great stuff!