aka “Bran, Jon, and Everyone Else”
As promised after the pieces moved into place last episode, the plot hath thickened. I am really starting to appreciate the ensemble nature of it all. While at times it can seem overwhelming, even when you’re familiar with the books, I finally feel as though the show has caught up with itself. All the backstory and intrigue no longer seems desperately necessary. Rather than feeling rushed and panicked, it now serves the nuances of the characters; it is filling in the cracks in order to smooth over the surface rather than maniacally building a foundation. Does that make sense? Probably not, but anyway, here we go…
Three cheers for throat impalement!
Cripples: We can’t stop here, this is crow country!
I wonder what kind of medieval meds this kid is on… hrm. *head scratch* Whatever meaning a three-eyed crow might have… it’s not exactly metaphor-lite. I almost expected it to start speaking with the voice of Johnny Cash, like the coyote spirit guide in that episode of The Simpsons.
Depressed... or tripping balls?
Bastards: Meanwhile at Camp Goodtimes…
AKA: The Wall… Through a long conversation (needlessly long, even?), we find that not only is Jon not currently interested in sex, but apparently, he never has been. And we wonder why everyone seems to think he’s gay….
FYI: In fantasy worlds, all tubby sidekicks are named "Sam."
Seriously, what kind of hobbies does he have other than fighting and moping? None, apparently, since Jon channels his emo mope into rage and fights the system: pissing off his superiors and gaining minions. I smell a rebellion.
(Speaking of Rebellions…)
We finally learn a little more about that creepy-looking guy always hanging around Winterfell.
Meet Theon. He enjoys long walks on the beach and mouthing off to old ladies. Wolves growl at the sight of him. They call him a ward,but he’s really a hostage, taken by Ned Stark to raise at Winterfell after Theon’s father led a rebellion against Robert Baratheon that can only be described as Catastrophic Failure.
Sketchiness: I haz it.
So, if that’s not reason enough to not really trust Theon here with important family secrets and some modicum of responsibility, maybe the fact that he looks as sketchy as hell is. Sorry, Alfie Allen, I’m sure you’re a stand-up guy, but–my god–are you well cast as Theon.
Broken Things: Knights and Not-Quites…
While Dr. Roommate (and as I hear it many other people) were bothered by the alterations in Sandor Clegane’s character, namely allowing Petyr Baelish to explain the origin of Sandor’s scars to Sansa, I believe HBO might feel that Sandor is too beloved a character to just toss away so quickly. I have hope. Let me explain why.
Not a knight.
I think they’re actually laying the groundwork. For those familiar with the books, we know at the crux of Sandor’s character is his inherent hatred of knighthood and its apparent honour. He’s a jaded young, old, how old his he? man who knows that reality far less honourable and beautiful than the pageantry of old stories and false chivalry.
Not a Knight.
I think HBO is taking this theme and running with it. I feel like this episode took the idea of knighthood (as depicted in the tournament and its unhappy ending) and broke it apart, revealing the brutal reality underneath. I think this is only the beginning. This is the first crack in the facade, and they are going to live up to their promise of deconstructing the fantasy genre.
It’s the knights or not-knights that we are supposed to see as the “Broken Things.”
Not a knight.
Think about the explicitly-noted-as-NOT-knights we see in this episode:
We have the bickering over the battle helm (classic knight trope) between Gendry (Hello, sailor!) and some other dude I can’t remember.
We have Arya, the little girl who desperately wants to be a knight but will never be able to no matter her worth.
We have Jory “I’m not a Knight” Cassel, right-hand man to the Hand of the King… (so the King’s… thumb?) and a seemingly upstanding guy.
Not a knight.
Now think about the actual knights:
Ser Hugh of the Fail, not-so-long-ago squire of Jon Arryn newly arrived to the status of knight and so brutally proved unworthy by being killed in the most “My contract demands an epic death scene” of ways.
Gregor Clegane, the actual knight and total dick, who enjoys a bit of schadenfreude every now and then.
Jaime “Big Man on Campus” Lannister, a perfect knight in every way, reduced to playing the “Guess How Many Whores” game with Jory “I’m not a Knight” Cassel.
Knight.
Cripple, Bastard, Broken Man…. all of the above? none of the above. Whatever: Tyrion
I think were Tyrion and Jon ever to start their good cop/bad cop duo, the first thing they’d do is get a little bitter revenge on Catelyn Tully. My god, she’s fucked them up so bad, it’s kind of cruel.
"Oh Balls."
It’s not that I dislike Catelyn; she’s doing right by what she believes and for her children. But as far as “Strong Female Character” credentials go, I think the jury’s still out. What do you think? Is Catelyn a “strong female character?”
It’s really just a Tragedy of Errors.
But let’s look on the bright side and call this what it is… a chance to drool over Robb.
Commence swooning.
Ned Invetigates!*
“The seed is strong.” Is it way to immature to admit that I wanted to giggle a little at that line? Do I just have the maturity level of a fourteen-year-old boy? Probably, but come on. “The seed is strong?” Wow. Jon Arryn had something on the mind when he was dying let me tell you.
Anyway, Ned takes up the Angela Lansbury sigil and starts to investigate. Things are discovered, conspiracies unravelled, yada yada yada.
I want to think that they're comparing beards: "Man, I love the way yours has a little point!" "Dude, but yours is so BIG!" "Tee hee, that's what she said!"
Meanwhile, across the Not-So-Narrow-Enough-That-the-Dothraki-Do-Not-Fear-it Sea…
Is it just me or do all the storylines taking place with the Dothraki centre around the only four white people in their entire culture (with the exception of Jason Momoa’s occasional nude rear, but perhaps that proves my point)? Maybe Daenerys’s white face just launched a hundred English essays on postcolonial theory, or maybe I just really miss Jorah’s Dothraki buddy-guy.
Miss. 
Also, finally we have an episode where it’s not Daenerys getting sexy time. In fact, Conan-Ronan-Drogo was no where to be seen. This time it was Viserys staking his claim to poor Doreah. (That was not intended to be a double entendre but high five if you at least blushed a little.)
This scene was really long. I kinda tuned out a little. The best I could get was that Viserys was trying to use “dragon” as a not-so-subtle metaphor. Well done you.
It did get a hell of a lot better when Dany finally told Viserys which bus to catch.
She better make a lot in tips.
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And that’s that… but one more thing…
- This needed to be done.
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You’re humorously right about a lot of things, but you just had me rolling about that Jaime Lannister thing!!!