Zombies and Puppies and Nipples, oh my…
I’m a day or two late on the uptake, but now that my jaw has closed again, I’m finally ready to offer my reaction to HBO’s Game of Thrones. As a fan of the books, I was excited for this adaptation, but understandably a little apprehensive. It just looked too damned good. There was no way in hell it could live up to the hype. Yet, holy s**t, it did!
A couple of days were required to let the awesomeness wash over me before I could blog about it. I tweeted to sure, as all I could manage at the time were a few manic squees. Dr. Roommate, Future Roommate and I watched the premiere with my mum*. She heard the name “Sean Bean” and was all over it like a fat kid on a fudgesicle.
"Winter is Coming." Is that what he says in bed?
There will be spoilers, so be warned. Also, this might be called a “recap,” but really, it’s my own insane commentary. That isn’t really saying anything either a) informative, or b) enlightened. Perhaps not even c) entertaining, but I can try. While I have read George R.R. Martin, this will not (always) be a rant about what was better in the books. I love me a good adaptation… like this one is.
So, without giving a play-by-play, here’s why it rocks:
Zombies
How do you make a show that’s been hyped as “The Sopranos meets Lord of the Rings” even more awesome? Zombies, of course. They are called the “white walkers” and they are here to f*** some s*** up.
Not really "white"... unless this is a race thing...
But that’s not going to really come back to haunt us for a while, so let’s move on.
Opening Credits
Westeros unfolds in a steampunk map as your eyes scan manically looking for your favourite character. Poor Jason Momoa/Khal Drogo is relegated to the end credits. Sad face.
With the books, I am one of those readers who, every time a location is mentioned flips back to the beginning of the book and find out exactly where the hell it is. I suspect others do the same. Thus, I can picture how this went at the roundtable production meeting:
Producer1: “Okay, we should show the map, because, my god, people are going to be confused enough already.”
Producer 2: “Snooze! That’s so boring. Every epic period piece starts with a map. We’re HBO, goddammit, we can’t have that kinda s**t!”
Producer 1: “Indiana Jones had a map.”
Producer 2: “Ugh. Fine. But make it damn cool.”
And they did. I’ve heard that as the series progresses, the opening credits map will change to mark the evolving political situation. HBO, FTW.
I couldnt find a picture of the credits, so heres a hawt one of Robb.
Ahh… Winterfell. Aren’t the Starks such a happy lot? What a cute family. Too bad everything that follows from here on out is how this family gets completely and utterly f***ed over. We find out that, although Sean Bean–sorry Ned Stark–might be a happy family man, he still kills people. As he beheads a deserter from The Wall, he tells his ten-year-old son Bran (Isaac Hempstead-Wright): “He who passes the sentence should swing the sword.” This seems to underline what a great and noble guy Ned is.
Again…. SEAN BEAN.
This is the story... of a lovely lady...
PUPPIES!
But wait! Thinks are not so bleak after all! How do we know this?! Because there are PUPPIES.
PUPPIES.
PUPPIES PUPPIES PUPPIES PUPPIES PUPPIES!!
Puppies.
If you thought the Starks were hot, I give you: The Lannisters
Meet Jaime Lannister (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) and his equality hot sister, Queen Cersei (Lena Heady). *Double Swoon* Now, if you’re paying attention, you might get the idea that they are hiding something and/or are assholes. But they’re so pretty that you haven’t really heard a thing they’ve said. Oh the prettiness. Sure, they might be up to something inappropriate enough to warrant whacking a guy to hide it, but still… the prettiness.
Bow-chicka-wow-wow
But yeah, the Starks are still pretty hot
I had to watch this scene several times before I had any idea what it was actually about. Apparently they think the Queen’s family are kind of dicks. And Jon likes his hair. So do I, Jon. So do I. I like HBO’s approach to burying exposition. Mask it with nipples and eye candy. Nice.
The totally necessary shirtless scene. My ovaries thank you, HBO.
All the Starks are all impossibly good looking kids: Robb (Richard Madden), Sansa (Sophie Turner), Bran, Arya (Maisie Williams), and even that little moppet that I suppose is Rickon. But I guess this level of hotness is expected when your father is SEAN BEAN. I think I need to repeat myself: SEAN BEAN. His bastard son, Jon Snow (Kit Harington), is also gorgeous… and appropriately emo. Love it.
Duck Hunt: Medieval Times
Nipples, Nipples, Nipples
So many nipples in one hour of television. From brothel nipples, courtesy of Tyrion Lannister’s (Peter Dinklage) lady ladies of the night; to inappropriate nipples, when Daenerys Targaryen (Emilia Clarke) gets an impromptu breast exam from her brother, Viserys (Harry Lloyd); to man nipples, re: the aforementioned Stark boys; to the Dothraki, whose entire culture seems defined by their presence of nipples. (Incidentally, their wedding reminded me much of my own family’s special events.) I’m going to try to keep a nipple count going in future episodes.
No word for Thank you, but probably 80 words for Areola.
Best. Cast. Ever.
That seems to be the true coup in a proper adaptation: the casting. We all know how much work HBO put into this, but it can’t be stated enough: they nailed it. Everyone is perfect. I must say how beautifully understated most of the characters are; the actors have tread the line between crazy fantasy and real drama quite carefully.
Example: Cersei the Mega Bitch. As she strolls from her carriage into Winterfell, you don’t just see an uber-cowbag, you see a seriously unhappy woman.
Example 2: Viserys the Brother You Always Wanted. What a charmer and what an utterly insane human being. The way he looks at Illyrio (Roger Allam) after Dany gets her dragon eggs. He’s a jealous child. He might as well be saying:
‘Where the f**k are MY dragon eggs?!’
Example 3 (Spoiler): Ser Jorah Mormont (Iain Glen) the Sexy, Mysterious Knight-in-Exile. As he gives Dany her wedding present, you can see it flash across his face: ‘Oh balls. She’s hot. This is gonna su-uck!’
Jorah! Jorah! Jorah!
Example 4: Everything Tyrion does. Peter Dinklage is amazing. Nothing more to say.
I could go on, but you get the idea.
Also… SEAN BEAN.
Sandor Clegane
Dr. Roommate would kill me if I didn’t mention Sandor (Rory McCann). I am told that his voice was appropriately gravelly.
Fangirl away.
Also…
SEAN BEAN
Mom was right. It could be this alone and totally be worth it.
Thoughts? Include them in the comments below!
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Nipple Count: Far too many to tally. It was like a blitzkrieg of nipples.
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UPDATE (APRIL 23): Dr. Roommate and I watched “Winter is Coming” again and kept a nipple tally. Our count: 53 (yup, an odd number)
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*Mom’s review was a bit more succinct than Roommates and I: ”Quite good, but I could do without the sex and violence.” Something makes me think she will use these exact issues to sell Dad on the show.
Great show, but not enough shots of SEAN BEAN!
There is no such thing as enough shots of Sean Bean.
I completely agree with everything you’ve said here. After my initial viewing, I really only came away with two minor complaints and I only voice them for the sake of discussion (I’m no purist, and I really did enjoy it for everything else):
1). Not enough footage of the puppies. Sure, they probably cut some bits so that they could keep in more Sean Bean footage, but I would have liked to see all of the Stark children’s interactions with their dire wolf pups. I guess Bran and his pup encompassed that portion… but what about Nymeria and Lady? Poor Lady
2). Daenerys and Khal Drogo’s post-wedding shenanigans. Sure, Daenerys did a great job of acting apprehensive about how Drogo is going to uh… do her… but that’s where it stops. Where’s the tenderness that follows? I found that part quite crucial to the reader’s understanding of Drogo’s character and Daenerys’ assimilation into the Dothraki tribe.
I’m sure time constraints have a lot to do with why these things were missed. I’m very much looking forward to the next episode and, of course, more Sean Bean!
Thank you for the Sandor shot.
I can’t wait until the next one.
Hilarious recap!
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